Slick Chicks x Dateability: Navigating the Complexities of Dating with Nia Renee

My dating journey was always a bit rocky, as I have a history of abusive relationships. I began to get sick with an unknown condition in 2011 and didn't get answers until I was out of my final abusive relationship. While I was figuring it out, my ex was not very supportive. He told me countless times, "Maybe right now is not the time for us to be an 'us' if you cannot be functional and not be sick all the time." In those moments, I felt like I was never going to find anyone who would accept someone who was chronically fatigued and in pain all the time. However, upon leaving that relationship, I was diagnosed with my first brain condition that required surgery a few months later. Chiari Malformation changed my life, but it also showed me what I had the energy for and gave me the opportunity to discover who I was becoming, how I needed to have better control over who was around me, and how to prioritize my health.

The biggest challenge was seeing the hindsight of how I was treated in my past while also going through medical gaslighting. My biggest triumph is that I met and married a wonderful man who has chosen me since before we even started dating. I didn't realize my Bumble account was connected to my Instagram, which showed a photo of me hugging my dad just before my brain surgery and another of me in a hospital bed. He said he wasn't sure what the situation was but chose to take a chance on me anyway. And he has been doing that every single day since. It's okay if someone doesn't want to be in a relationship with a chronically ill person—it's a lot to take on. But it doesn't affect anyone more than the chronically ill person. I have been through so much in the last five years, and being with my husband for almost four (four years on 8/1), he has done nothing but help me feel comfortable in my own skin.

I went on a rough journey because I felt like I had to figure out who I was several times. From my Chiari Malformation diagnosis in 2019 to my Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension diagnosis in 2022, which required me to have five more brain surgeries between 2023 and 2023. I have gained a lot of weight being essentially on bed rest for the last two years, and I am trying to come to terms with my new curves. I am working out again, and I have my strength back. With that, my husband gives me the confidence to feel good about myself. He has really helped me along this journey of self-discovery, showing me that love during chronic illness does exist.

Gaaahhhh! First dates are brutal, even if they are good, they are brutal! LOL. The nervousness of meeting someone new and the anxiety of what you are going to wear, etc. I think it depends on what the activity is for the first date. My first date with my husband, I was in a walking boot from ankle surgery, so I based my outfit on that and the activity. We went to a cool bar and mini-golfing, so I wore a cute pair of high-waisted jeans to cover my problem areas (my tummy *sad face*) and a super cute and flirty bodysuit-style top and a slayyyyed face of makeup. It was great. I think the perfect first date outfit is dependent on the activity and what is going to make you feel the most comfortable.

It is not easy, but do your absolute best to not take things personally. You are without a doubt deserving of love. You deserve a partner who is going to respect your disabilities and chronic illnesses, not make them harder. If someone does not want to progress with you, that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. If you feel you are being treated unfairly and not being treated well by them, do not tolerate it. Set your boundaries and leave at any time; you are not obligated to stay with anyone out of guilt, let alone stay with anyone who doesn't treat you well.